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Office Jargon
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers.
Due to complaints received from some
employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be
tolerated. We do however realize the critical importance of being able to
accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers,
therefore, a list of preferred new phrases has been provided so that proper
exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk
of offending our more sensitive employees.
PREFERRED: Perhaps I can work late
OLD: When the fuck do you expect me to do this?
PREFERRED: I'm certain that is not feasible
OLD: No fucking way
PREFERRED: Really?
OLD: You've got to be shitting me
PREFERRED: Of course I'm concerned
OLD: Ask me if I give a shit
PREFERRED: I wasn't involved in that project
OLD: Its not my fucking problem
PREFERRED: That's interesting behavior
OLD: What the fuck??
PREFERRED: I'm not sure I can implement this
OLD: Fuck it, it won't work.
PREFERRED: I'll try to schedule that
OLD: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner
PREFERRED: Are you sure this is a problem?
OLD: You stupid shit, not only do I think you don't understand diddly, I
wouldn't give a shit if you did
PREFERRED: He's not familiar with the problem
OLD: He's got his head up his ass, what would make you think he'd know
anything?
PREFERRED: So you weren't happy with it?
OLD: Kiss my ass
PREFERRED: I don't think you understand
OLD: I'm tired of talking to you, simple minded fool, and if I have to
explain myself again I will have to hurt you.
PREFERRED: I love a challenge
OLD: This job sucks and the suckage continues to escalate
PREFERRED: I see
OLD: Blow me
PREFERRED: Yes, we really should discuss it
OLD: Another fucking meeting.
PREFERRED: I don't think this will be a problem
OLD: I'm overworked and underpaid therefore I really don't give a shit
PREFERRED: He's somewhat insensitive
OLD: He's a fucking prick
PREFERRED: I think you could use more training
OLD: You don't know what the fuck you're doing?
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