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General Letter Snatches

The following pieces are stray thoughts that might amuse you. We guarantee that each entry has indeed amused someone at sometime. They would be original thoughts and musings unless credit is designated to someone else. How many people do you suppose find this page when they are looking for pics of the female anatomy?


 

  • So I was tellin my son about Morris from the 9 lives commercials and how he was finicky but liked their food. My boy asks what did Morris like to eat. Rambling I said I dont know fish chunks and stuff. For some reason He says "Fish and Fur?" My wife says, "No, that would be your fathers favorite."  ( I Dred Knot )
  • I am just basically sad that I can no longer use the word 'twilight' in a poem without feeling like an ultra-douche.
  • Always refer to yourself in the third person, UM - but pretend that your name is Mommy! ( SomaDawg )
  • I am not to sure really, but I think I hate it in those moments whenever I might be indecisive.
  • Is it wrong to refer to a yeast infection as Cookie Dough?
  • I am not the type of person to spring much in any direction. You guys go ahead and spring forward and I will try to catch up tomorrow.
  • My wife is such a bitch that if she were about to be eaten by a bear she would try to tell it where it could start.
  • How flat does a cat have to be afore you no longer feel bad about having run over it's carcass?
  • I would like to see things from your point of view, but unfortunately, I can't get my head that far up my ass.  ( Someone )
  • I bet you feel foolish.  "Yeah I do."  In that case call me foolish!
  • If you ever want to have hours of fun, try feeding your dog or cat, a bunch of mexican jumping beans. Just be extra careful to watch your step. ( Darn it, It rolled under the sofa!)
  • If there was a god I am sure he could have done a better job at giving me a life.
  • That's funnier than a two dicked monkey with a third nipple!
  • May all your gods forgive you! Let it be, and let it be again. Two Big Times!!
  • Take your pants off - stay a while. Ya just might learn something!
  • Would you like to be my little Cowboy?
  • This world of late, has become a great cow at whose teet I have failed to suckle!
  • I believe I have just crossed that line, of what should have remained a private thought.
  • Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you help me find a knickle that rolled down behind the fridge? ( Playboy Magazine )
  • Look into my eyes you are being Hip-mo-tized! Whenever you hear the word Cheeseburger, you will touch your own butt!

OLDER STUFF

  • If you pull a dead mans finger will his spirit fart?
  • At this point it's all a matter of semantics, and you know what they say, some antics is better than no antics.
  • I have got to buy me a back scrubber for my shower that toilet brush I've been using really scratches my back up somethin' fierce.
  • He suffers from periodic bouts of Adictomy, without warning or provocation he will suddenly be a dick to me.
  • The Santa Monica was Mrs. Claus's favorite instrument.
  • Someone that dumb has no business smokin' marijuana. Their brain cells are kickin' back with the munchies and one of them says, "Dude, remember when there were more of us?" and the other one says, "Um, dude, do we got any more Cheetos?"
  • The Pringles company suggest that one serving of their product equals out to about 14 chips. Hell, I eat more than that before the vacuum escapes the can.
  • You know, I never thot he'd grow up to be the kind of old bastard who, when I was a kid, I would have took a crap in his milk box, but he did.
  • The dandruff problem I was having in my ears has recently migrated to my eyebrows. Every time I get surprised - Well, it's just like Christmas.
  • Bill the homeless dead head diabetic with the semi-reoccurring rotten toe. "When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I get the overwhelming sensation of dizziness from my blood sugar soaring as I slip into a diabetic coma.
  • I swam in the Gulf Of Mexico. It was big fun. Ocean waters are much saltier than I recall. I attribute this to the millions of people who have alleviated the pains of a full bladder in it, since the last time I enjoyed the taste.
  • Here is a piece from Randall. I'm not sure if this encroaches on that line of bad taste. "I just got off the phone with my boyfriend. He's 10 but what a mature 10. The best thing is, he doesn't need me to shave his butt and he doesn't mind shaving mine!"
  • I knew a guy whose last name was Gentry, oddly enough his first name was Hugh. He said he'd always wanted to change his last name to Jorgan.
  • I'm twice the man as half the men who are half the man I am! henh henh, I said whore.
  • Ever since I was a small child I've wanted a three legged dog. Imagine my surprise when one showed upon my porch. Actually he had 4 when he got there but I quickly remedied that with a butter knife.
 

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