• You only stick your hand in a meat grinder once! (Joal [The Troll] Mogollon)
• I really hate to say a thing that someone else has said before. I heard that somewhere. ( JestaFreak  )
• It's all good, , , Except when it's bad! ( Chip Gatzert )
• When the going gets weird, the weird turn Pro! ( Wavy Gravy, via Hunter S. Thompson )
• Why can't we all just get a bong?
• A mans gotta butter his biscuits, one way, or ta other!
• What if there were no hypothetical situations? ( Chip Gatzert )
• Life is 1/2 of one and 6 dozen of the other.
• Only users lose drugs!
• Trust in God, but always take precautionary measures!
• The only time I get a fair shake is at the urinal.
• Why does some fecal masses float vertical and others float horizontal? ( Zenmama )
• Only dead fish go with the current!
• Humphrey Osmond said that each of us, owes God a death. If that's true I am paying my debt with yours!
• If you cannot laugh at yourself, rest assured that me and my friends will do it for you.
• This world is my oyster, and I'm going to suck the pearl! Woohoo!

OLDER STUFF

• I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
• A bhudda walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Can you make me one with everything?"
• Life is like a shit sammich, the more bread you have the less actual shit you have to eat.
• Everybody's handed a lump of shit when they are born, and they have to sculpt it into some semblance of a life. I know to many morons who still have that same lump of shit.
• In relationships there should be a prenuptial agreement on friends, that states in the event of a break-up we each retain sole rights to the friends we brought into the bonding.
• Always remember, you may not know everything that might not be true! (This Gem is a Quote from HOWLERS niece Faran.)
• I am prejudiced against dumb people, but I don't wish they didn't exist. I myself just have very little use for them - outside of one of em making me a Big Mac or somethin!
• Being an optimist is all fine and dandy, but there exists a point where an optimist becomes just another fool.
• Falling in love, a phrase that seems so accidental. Whoops! Look what done happened here! It's like steppin in Dog crap.
• The worst thing about cows is ya gotta stop what your doin' and walk around in front of them when ya want a kiss. (HOWLER and CDTrips's boss)
• I absolutely will not date women who use four letter words like STOP, QUIT, or DON"T. (Chick McGEE, local DJ)
• If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, then how long will it take a cross eyed monkey, with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?
• It's better to give than achieve. (Homeless Berkelyite)
• Buttholes - Ain't for lovin (Randall)
• We're all revolting in our own way. (Chip Gatzert)
• I always figure if I'm not in bed by midnight then I might as well go home. (Q95)
• Before I return a library book I like to yank out some of my pubic hairs and sprinkle them amongst the pages. In doing this I feel much more manly.
• Anything you say, can and most likely will be held against you. Mention my penis, please.
• One should never choke their chicken afore it hatches.
• If a ram is a goat, and an ass is a donkey, then why is a ram in the ass, a goose?
• Never look a gift horse up the ass.
• Don't take any wooden pickles.
• If it smells like ass, it must be ass!
• Whoever said the world is what we make it, needs a good and sound ass kickin.